Traffic

Dear Government of Tanzania,

I have been travelling quite a few kilometres on my motorbike over the last few months and I would like to support the development of your country with my experience on the Tanzanian roads. I would like to advise you to introduce a theory exam for everyone. This will probably contribute to the safety on the National Roads. I do know that you guys are extremely busy and do appreciate your lunch and tea breaks more than anything else, so I’ve taken the time to write a draft exam. The answers all come from practical situations and I assume they, therefore, are at least close to the way it is supposed to work, or not, or do you not know either?

Q	You are a bus driver and you enter a village situated along the main road, what do you do?
A	You do not worry about the safety of all people walking and cycling along the road and continue driving with a speed of around 100 km/hr and act as if the speed bumps do not exist.
Q	You are a passenger on the bus mentioned above; you have a back seat in the bus and hear the front wheels going over the speed bump. What do you do?
A	You hold on to your chair, pray and hope that your head won’t hit the ceiling too hard this time.
Q	You are a taxi driver getting to a T-junction and you see 2 women with around five 20 kilo bags of rice waiting for transport. What do you do?
A	You hit the break, not minding the passengers in the back, and get to a stop exactly in the middle of the road joining the main road. You load the bags of rice while blocking the road for other traffic.
Q	You are a bus driver of a small minibus used for local transport. Seven children of around 4 years old are waiting for transport (without parents of course); your bus is full already. What do you do?
A	You stop, your assistant lifts 5 of the children and pushes them in urging them to sit on the laps of other passengers; when people in the back start complaining about the lack of space you let the other 2 kids stand between the front seat and the front window just so that when you have to make an emergency stop these kids will definitely fly through the window.
Q	You are riding a pikipiki, going up a steep hill and are about to pass an old man pushing his bicycle with 50 kilos of bananas up hill. What do you do?
A	You blow your horn at maximum volume, push the poor man off the road and continue your journey as usual.
Q	You are riding your pikipiki; just before a curve you see a truck coming from the opposite direction. What do you do?
A	You hit the brakes, make your way into the gutter because you are pretty sure that the truck will cut the curve (and yes it does!).
Q	You are a Tanzanian man and see a White Woman failing to start her pikipiki. What do you do?
A	You rush to help. You tell the woman to put the bike in neutral (yes), turn the key (really?), and kick hard (I did). Then you push the woman off the bike and try yourself. When you fail (as well), you blame the bike and walk away.
Q	The same thing happens the next day. What do you do?
A	Well, the same. You complain and say that woman should not ride a motorbike and then you blame the bike (without apologizing of course).
Q	(this question is just for foreigners in your country) You are a white woman, experiencing at least 1 of these things every time you hit traffic. What do you do?
A	You try not to forget that you are the visitor to this system. Writing it down definitely helps and even makes you laugh about it all. And yes, every time you get home safely, you thank God!